Psychology Today: Splitsville: From Breakup to Wakeup
This is so true. I think we end up making it harder on ourselves because we don't WANT to get over that person... but how much sense does that really make? Gotta get up, get on, get over.
Saturday, December 15, 2007
Monday, December 10, 2007
Just A Ride
Funny that I was just starting to feel a little overwhelmed by all the research I've found and trying to find a simple thesis... (something as seemingly trivial as that often determines whether or not I complete something, and I don't have time to spare at all right now). then this song comes on from that playlist I just posted. I'll figure it out... just like everything else. Thank you, music - once again, you've saved me.
"Just A Ride"
Jem
Life, it's ever so strange
It's so full of change
Think that you've worked it out then BANG
Right out of the blue
Something happens to you
To throw you off course and then you
Breakdown
Yeah you breakdown
Well don't you breakdown
Listen to me
Because
It's just a ride, it's just a ride
No need to run, no need to hide
It'll take you round and round
Sometimes you're up sometimes you're down
It's just a ride, it's just a ride
Don't be scared don't hide your eyes
It may feel so real inside
But don't forget it's just a ride
Truth, we don't wanna hear
It's too much to take
Don't like to feel out of control
So we make our plans
Ten times a day
And when they don't go our way we want we
Breakdown
Yeah we breakdown
Well don't you breakdown
Listen to me
Because
It's just a ride, it's just a ride
No need to run, no need to hide
It'll take you round and round
Sometimes you're up sometimes you're down
It's just a ride, it's just a ride
Don't be scared don't hide your eyes
It may feel so real inside
But don't forget it's just a ride
Slowly, oh so very slowly
Accept that there's no getting off
So live it, just gotta go with it
Coz this ride's, never gonna stop
Breakdown
Don't you breakdown
No need to breakdown
No need at all
Because
It's just a ride, it's just a ride
No need to run, no need to hide
It'll take you all around
Sometimes you're up sometimes you're down
It's just a ride, it's just a ride
Don't be scared now dry your eyes
It may feel so real inside but don't forget
Enjoy the ride
New semester, same place... and yet not
I'm still procrastinating finals. I think I need to see a therapist because I don't know how to think. Let me clarify - I don't know how to think about things I don't want to. I can't seem to form logical progressions that lead to a coherent and attentive broader idea of something. In other words, I can't seem to pay attention long enough to encode information or keep my thoughts on one thing long enough to get anything done unless it commands my whole attention. When I do pay attention though, I soar. Always have. I either do something to the extent to which I exceed even my expectations, or I don't do it at all.
I'm running out... my head feels tired and I am acutely attentive. I need to begin writing my literature on Happiness. I am really cursing the Sasquatch Bitch right now. She needs to go back to the forest she came out of. Ugh. I'm going to be glad I did the project though. I already am. The research is fascinating.
So in many ways I am still struggling with the same things. Recently I've began to actually starting to look for practical solutions to this issue. Well, to the symptoms at least...
So where's Claire???
I'm right here dammit. I'm really not in the same lost state I was in when I was writing the first post. Sometimes not knowing every aspect of yourself ensures that you will remain captive in the Cave of Doom of life. Paradoxically (I think I'm using that word right), if you shift around some of the aspects you do and don't know about yourself, you open yourself up to sky-high possibilities of happiness.
Namely, fuck Adrian. I mean, the best for him, whatever. It's not my problem anymore. It never was. It was never about me & him. It was about him & him, and about me & me. When we would talk, we were never saying the same thing. We never saw, heard, remembered, etc. the same things. Somehow I think the only common things we shared were the feelings, yet all at different points in time. Fuck him. See how I start to remember all the feelings and I'm back to saying that? I have to gently remind myself that I now know who I am. I don't have to be mad or hurt about him anymore. And then I'm better.
I'm learning how to cope with life. It's good. It's all good even when it's bad. How would I ever steer somebody else in the direction of healing if I myself had never traveled it? Many therapists in the field are said to have chosen that line of work in order to gain insight or distract themselves from their own distress and mental anguish. I don't want to be there for that reason. I want to, first, before anything else, establish my own grounds on which I can finally stand. When I do, I want to be a rock that dissolves into the sea only to solidify before the current disperses the fragments of my soul. That's a thin line, I know. But I believe that it is attainable. Believing vs. knowing vs. doing... I really need to get to work now.
And for the record, I mentioned that Adrian was hurting as a result from a bunch of stuff he didn't understand. So was I. I really feel for myself in that position to the point that I am brinking on tears. I sit back, take a deep breath, and exhale. Where was Claire? She was in the process of dissolving. And now I'm slowly but surely solidifying once more... and it happened just before the fragments of my soul were dispersed into the vague familiarity of memory.
I'm running out... my head feels tired and I am acutely attentive. I need to begin writing my literature on Happiness. I am really cursing the Sasquatch Bitch right now. She needs to go back to the forest she came out of. Ugh. I'm going to be glad I did the project though. I already am. The research is fascinating.
So in many ways I am still struggling with the same things. Recently I've began to actually starting to look for practical solutions to this issue. Well, to the symptoms at least...
So where's Claire???
I'm right here dammit. I'm really not in the same lost state I was in when I was writing the first post. Sometimes not knowing every aspect of yourself ensures that you will remain captive in the Cave of Doom of life. Paradoxically (I think I'm using that word right), if you shift around some of the aspects you do and don't know about yourself, you open yourself up to sky-high possibilities of happiness.
Namely, fuck Adrian. I mean, the best for him, whatever. It's not my problem anymore. It never was. It was never about me & him. It was about him & him, and about me & me. When we would talk, we were never saying the same thing. We never saw, heard, remembered, etc. the same things. Somehow I think the only common things we shared were the feelings, yet all at different points in time. Fuck him. See how I start to remember all the feelings and I'm back to saying that? I have to gently remind myself that I now know who I am. I don't have to be mad or hurt about him anymore. And then I'm better.
I'm learning how to cope with life. It's good. It's all good even when it's bad. How would I ever steer somebody else in the direction of healing if I myself had never traveled it? Many therapists in the field are said to have chosen that line of work in order to gain insight or distract themselves from their own distress and mental anguish. I don't want to be there for that reason. I want to, first, before anything else, establish my own grounds on which I can finally stand. When I do, I want to be a rock that dissolves into the sea only to solidify before the current disperses the fragments of my soul. That's a thin line, I know. But I believe that it is attainable. Believing vs. knowing vs. doing... I really need to get to work now.
And for the record, I mentioned that Adrian was hurting as a result from a bunch of stuff he didn't understand. So was I. I really feel for myself in that position to the point that I am brinking on tears. I sit back, take a deep breath, and exhale. Where was Claire? She was in the process of dissolving. And now I'm slowly but surely solidifying once more... and it happened just before the fragments of my soul were dispersed into the vague familiarity of memory.
Chill/Ambient
36 songs, a few new artists
-Portihead
-Karen Ramirez
-Thievery Corporation
-Zero 7
-Gaelle
etc.
Tuesday, May 8, 2007
चलाire वेंत तो हिंदु!!!
इत वुड बे कूल तो बे अबले तो राइट लिके थिस!
Hindu writing is pretty cool. This is a pretty cool sight.. I've already learned that Kazahkstan is an actual country, then I get to type in Hindu, and I haven't even blogged yet! Cool beans... yeah. Sooo I really have to pee right now but I want to finish this blog before I can get to bed quicker. My body & mind are angry with me at the moment... we've been killing ourselves for exams again. No. Not for exams... for procrastination.
That stupid ass cat!!!!! I actually did get up right now, and when I was walking back... UGH!!! Romeo left a bird right there in the middle of the walkway (which) makes for his 3rd one this week. It is GROSS. I couldn't even bear to go in my ROOM until Adrian helped me clean it up last week. But they hunt, though, so... I don't get that either. Live and let live, for God's sake! (no pun intended, lol) Well, I guess I'm sleeping in my chair again tonight... I don't know if it just grosses me out or upsets me or what. All I know is that the last thing I want to see right now is a damn dead bird in the walkway. It would be one thing if he left them intact at all, but.. well... I don't wanna talk about it anymore. I know how Mom feels now when she says she wishes that he would just "go with Jesus." I second that notion. It many sound funny to say this about a cat, but there's really no other way to put it - he's an ASSHOLE.
To top that off, now I'm irked b/c this story does not go with the music I have playing. Ok, yeah back to other things... See that's why I love music... I sit back and it just soothes the tension out. I don't even mind driving in traffic ever since I started making more CD's a few weeks ago.
So why did I make this account tonight... Why does anyone write? Why does anyone read? That would probably be somewhere along the lines of what I don't have the answer for. Catharsis, perhaps... it's a Freudian concept of energy and built up tension - aggression (or "death instincts"). The theory says that b/c energy cannot be created/destroyed, that when you have built up energy, you have to let it out. If you don't, then it is hypothesized to come out in other less healthy ways. Research on catharsis doesn't support that it works though. They actually found that people who blew off steam when they were mad showed higher levels of aggression. (I just took 2 social psyc exams today.) Writing, on the other hand, has been shown to even improve physical health as well as mental. This is supposedly the "most mature" way to deal with things... sublimation, or putting your energy into doing something positive. I am definately a happier person when I write.
If you think about how many things you wouldn't have realized had you not been talking to someone about it, multiply that by a bunch of numbers cause I don't talk about things. I feel so much more at ease wife when I write. I'll write something and read it a few months later, not believing that I actually feel what I was writing at that time. I have to remind myself that I AM the same person and all... We forget things pretty easily. I"ll be like, "What's wrong with me? I remember when I felt very differently about (whatever bullshit is upsetting me at the moment)" I wish Adrian was more interested, but he's been hurt a lot by the things things he doesn't understand in me. That and I think he thinks I'm going to start talking about a bunch of stuff that sounds like gibberish to him and he'll end up defenseless also. That is changing... it's really suprising me.
Sorry I'll write a better blog after some sleep. lol It took me 5 minutes to write that last sentence.
Hindu writing is pretty cool. This is a pretty cool sight.. I've already learned that Kazahkstan is an actual country, then I get to type in Hindu, and I haven't even blogged yet! Cool beans... yeah. Sooo I really have to pee right now but I want to finish this blog before I can get to bed quicker. My body & mind are angry with me at the moment... we've been killing ourselves for exams again. No. Not for exams... for procrastination.
That stupid ass cat!!!!! I actually did get up right now, and when I was walking back... UGH!!! Romeo left a bird right there in the middle of the walkway (which) makes for his 3rd one this week. It is GROSS. I couldn't even bear to go in my ROOM until Adrian helped me clean it up last week. But they hunt, though, so... I don't get that either. Live and let live, for God's sake! (no pun intended, lol) Well, I guess I'm sleeping in my chair again tonight... I don't know if it just grosses me out or upsets me or what. All I know is that the last thing I want to see right now is a damn dead bird in the walkway. It would be one thing if he left them intact at all, but.. well... I don't wanna talk about it anymore. I know how Mom feels now when she says she wishes that he would just "go with Jesus." I second that notion. It many sound funny to say this about a cat, but there's really no other way to put it - he's an ASSHOLE.
To top that off, now I'm irked b/c this story does not go with the music I have playing. Ok, yeah back to other things... See that's why I love music... I sit back and it just soothes the tension out. I don't even mind driving in traffic ever since I started making more CD's a few weeks ago.
So why did I make this account tonight... Why does anyone write? Why does anyone read? That would probably be somewhere along the lines of what I don't have the answer for. Catharsis, perhaps... it's a Freudian concept of energy and built up tension - aggression (or "death instincts"). The theory says that b/c energy cannot be created/destroyed, that when you have built up energy, you have to let it out. If you don't, then it is hypothesized to come out in other less healthy ways. Research on catharsis doesn't support that it works though. They actually found that people who blew off steam when they were mad showed higher levels of aggression. (I just took 2 social psyc exams today.) Writing, on the other hand, has been shown to even improve physical health as well as mental. This is supposedly the "most mature" way to deal with things... sublimation, or putting your energy into doing something positive. I am definately a happier person when I write.
If you think about how many things you wouldn't have realized had you not been talking to someone about it, multiply that by a bunch of numbers cause I don't talk about things. I feel so much more at ease wife when I write. I'll write something and read it a few months later, not believing that I actually feel what I was writing at that time. I have to remind myself that I AM the same person and all... We forget things pretty easily. I"ll be like, "What's wrong with me? I remember when I felt very differently about (whatever bullshit is upsetting me at the moment)" I wish Adrian was more interested, but he's been hurt a lot by the things things he doesn't understand in me. That and I think he thinks I'm going to start talking about a bunch of stuff that sounds like gibberish to him and he'll end up defenseless also. That is changing... it's really suprising me.
Sorry I'll write a better blog after some sleep. lol It took me 5 minutes to write that last sentence.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
